Friday, August 28, 2009

School talk and ghost girls

I was in San Fran on Wednesday and got to hang out with Reyna, Addie, Josh.... and we happened to run into Kei in Japantown. :3 It was pretty much exceedingly fun! I haven't been to that Nihonmachi in almost ten years, so already it has a somewhat nostalgic look to me.

Off-subject briefly: This is Riverside, a former Lady of Questionable Morals who finally retired..... after being shot through a bit in the heart. As a ghost, she's taken up residence in Soho, collecting bizarre and exotic trinkets for her hobby. She's also the tiniest bit addicted to a lovely formula that gives her the sensation of a beating heart (one thing she's missed about being alive..... she doesn't miss much else) which she purchases from our beloved Dr. Jekyll. :3

Inspired by Paris Hilton's character in Repo! The Genetic Opera. I think it's the most awesome thing ever that Paris is in that movie/thing.

Ahem, anyway....

Talking came along to the subject of Calarts (well, it would, wouldn't it?) and so of course I've been thinking about returning to school and How I Spent My Summer Vacation--most notably What I Drew On My Summer Vacation.

I haven't really gotten the impression that the school is trying to mold me into some sort of industry standard--but then again, I did come from a Catholic girls' school, where the assumption is that, if you're not being molded into something prim and polite, you aren't getting your money's worth.

The only thing is that I HAVE noticed over the summer that I'm constantly asking myself, "Is this worth drawing? Will this look good in my portfolio? Is this what the studios want to see?" It's really annoying, although I'm hoping it's largely due to what I've perceived as the Second-Year "I hate everything I draw" Syndrome. I guess the question is whether the atmosphere at Calarts has anything to do with it. If it does, then I really didn't feel it while actually at school--I generally thought the message of "we want to encourage personal style" was pretty well-enforced (failing that, people sure SAID it enough). I think the feeling began mostly after portfolio day, when you end up being sorted into "design", "story", or "animation" and you end up making new works with one of those three categories in mind.

My big problem is in design, as I have a much bigger ego about my character designs (er, not in general, but I'm pretty protective of the ones for my four major storylines) than I do about the way I make storyboards or the way I animate (especially how I animate, which is basically "do whatever"). I have a couple industry character design idols (I'm still busy staring at Shane and Shannon's Coraline arts) and in general I tend to prefer character designs made for animation. . . . but it gets to the point where, if I design something that would not be intended for animation, I doubt whether it's any good at all. I feel like I'm wasting my time.

I'm pretty sure that these funny insecurities aren't so much the school's fault as the industry. Um. And more than that, it's the trouble that I don't seem to have quite the ability to overcome whatever "pressures" are out there. Art and animation and story are pretty much my life, but I haven't gotten down to what I really enjoy about it. I just..... do.

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